How many times have I used a question lead at the beginning of an essay?
This would be the nth time, probably. This would be the nth time I’d get on my teacher’s nerve, too, if he/she were to read this.
I cannot remember the last time I got scolded for writing pieces of crap. But I do remember the last time I did so and got an ovation for it. At that time, I actually wrote nothing. Actually, it was part of three articles I wrote for a feature writing class homework. College, in laymen’s terms. Every time I talk about this, I remember all those times in my whole school life that I didn’t listen to the teacher’s instructions. You see, the instruction was to write a how-to article, one that’s similar to those things written for dummies published with a yellow cover. (Somebody actually had the knack to use that color for a book he entitled after a people’s knack to read a book upside down. He got rich, that bastard.)
So I wrote something out of my strange urge to get everyone’s attention in class aggravated by the cold of the room I lived in back then. My mind should have gone blank if not for three things: one, my grades and two, my failure in arithmetic—I had to repeat counting sheep over and over because I can’t get past 2.
I can’t remember what the first article was about at this moment. I’ll try to dig it out of my email sometime. The third one, probably the second stupidest part of that mistake, was entitled “How to Eat a Cookie” and featured Cookie Monster, that blue muppet who doesn’t know how to share, who I imagined was with me the whole time I wrote the trio of articles that should soon fail me.
And the second one. That was the bomb. It was entitled “How to Fail a Feature Article”. That’s where I forgot to write anything. Or maybe I intended to do that to get on my teacher’s nerve. Guess I got his attention. I didn’t get an 0, though. So much for appropriate titles.